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Old 11-23-2009, 11:50 AM
Hodge Hodge is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Thank you all for taking the time to respond!

NRE *is* something I'm worried about and I told her so.

LovingRadiance's sentiment echoes my own: "I wouldn't JUMP into "yeah go get a boyfriend". I would work towards that. But that's ME." I try to be supportive, but I also try and be clear about the fact that I do not have an active inclination towards going poly myself. So I want to work towards it if she feels it's something without which she can't be happy, but at the same time I'm not cheering... well, I guess in a way I've been cheering a little, just because I want her to be happy and feel good. And as for myself, I feel very good about not feeling *bad* about the idea of being in a poly relationship, but at the same time I do not exactly feel super-enthusiastic about it. I'm curious and terrified at the same time. My motto right now is: the proof of the pudding lies in eating it.

I don't fancy long distance relationships, but the happiness of the past five years by far outweigh the sad and difficult moments (certainly in my case, and she says she experienced it similarly, although she's had a harder time of it than me). The question "Why?" a long distance relationhip is a bit of a no-brainer to me in this case. She's just an amazing woman, we have so much in common and yet we are not exactly the same; she's given me so much and she's made me feel as though I was able to give her something in return. I've never loved anyone as much as her, to me she's one of a kind. Her presence just makes me happy, whether she's with me in a room or whether she's thousands of miles away. And, of course, I was getting really, really, seriously excited about the prospect of leaving my country and giving this a shot "for real". But of course now our relationship has changed in ways that I (or she) cannot yet fathom.

And what you said, redpepper, that's something I'm very keen on, too. I wouldn't quite put it this way, "She should put her money where her mouth is", but I feel the same: I don't want a relationship break; I want to find out how and whether it can work... but it's hard to make such a decision without any experience. And there's the other _man_. Obviously, he and his attitude are an important part of this. I haven't quite figured out whether I need to (or can) claim primacy in the relationship in order for it to work for me. My gut reaction was that I *do* need some sort of primacy, but once again it's hard to decide that without any actual experience.

In any case, thanks so much for your input! More responses are, of course, most welcome.

Last edited by Hodge; 11-23-2009 at 11:56 AM.
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