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Old 03-01-2012, 03:37 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polypenguin View Post
What makes you or your hubby think that a gold ring is an off switch for attraction for other people?

look, i'm not trying to say you or your hubbie's feeling's are not valid, i'm just trying to put across that poly accepts the idea of multiple attractions, not denies them.
Steamhippie, I'd also like to point out that people can still be happily monogamous and not deny their attractions to others. Feeling attracted to someone other than your spouse doesn't mean you have to act on it or embrace polyamory. My hubs and I were monogamous for almost 12 years and never once did we try to stifle each other for having attractions to other people. It's all about allowing space for your feelings, dealing with any possessiveness, and issues of trust.

So, I don't think the problem here is really attractions to other people. I think you are letting these attractions be distractions from what actually needs to be addressed. You say your relationship with your husband lacks love, romance, and attraction. You call it monotonous and you avoid your husband. What is going on? How did you get to such a place? Why aren't you two talking, loving each other, in therapy?
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-01-2012 at 05:00 AM.
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