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Old 02-29-2012, 01:21 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by onoma View Post
Frankly, repeatedly telling me that poly isn't just about sex or just _having_ to ensure I know you don't identify as poly comes off as a little defensive.
Oy, I think Mercury's in retrograde or something.

I don't care whether you know I don't ID as poly or not... you asked us how we reached our "conclusion," and I didn't know what conclusion you were talking about. You said you want to know how we realized we're polyamorous, and I answered that I don't see myself that way, and told you why. Then you say that's just semantics, which felt like a brush-off. I answered because I was already in a dialogue with you, not to "ensure" you know something about me. I'm certainly not the only person here who doesn't ID as poly, and it's not accurate to say that I "don't even think of poly the same way others here do." There are so many ways people are polyamorous but some general ideas (focus on love, not sex) that many would align themselves with.

And I wasn't beating you up - I was just letting you know that shrugging off our answers by saying we're focused on semantics seems dismissive, like what we had to say didn't matter. Not a good approach if you are asking us to say what's real for us. I am participating, want to answer your questions, but I think it is obvious both Mags and I simply needed to get clear on what you were saying and asking. How can anyone tell you "our experiences that [led] up to where [we] are now with regards to relationships" if we're talking about different things?

Originally Posted by onoma View Post
I asked how people came into polyamory because this is So I said polyamory. It could have been non-monogamy, or open relationships, multiple non-exclusive relationships, or any number of other terms for what can be a slightly messy subject.
Right. And all of those terms you could have asked about would have garnered different responses - that's why specificity is important.

Considering that you did say you were rambly and "still working this out," you were a tad unclear or gave a different impression about the focus of your inquiry than you perhaps wanted. But now, because some of us asked and pointed certain things out, I think it's definitely more clear what kinds of responses you're looking for. You want to know the paths people have taken to whatever kind of non-monogamy we're into. Cool. Seems you want to know more about the thought processes, decision-making, and any internal wrestling that we've gone through than what place we're in now. I think I get it now.
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