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Old 02-29-2012, 11:24 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 5,915

Originally Posted by onoma View Post

Aside from reading the first chapter or two of Polyamory in the 21st Century I was mostly confused. I had always wanted to be with one woman. One of my friends had an open relationship. I found that out when she brought me home one night, and offered to sleep with me.
An open relationship is not necessarily polyamory. It's not just about the sex.

But I think a lot of that boiled down to not having much self-respect. I figured it would be unfair, that the woman would just get all the action while I stayed home. Now... I feel like I'd get plenty, maybe more than I'd even really want. Wanting that one monogamous relationship... well, I just thought that's how you could get sex.
It's not just about the sex.

Watching Mad Men, in particular, made me really love the idea of having a wife I'd build my life with and a girlfriend to act as contrast. A secondary, I guess, who could show me other parts of life.
I don't watch Mad Men, but is there an openly poly couple on that show taking place in the early 60s, or is someone having an affair? That is not poly either.
But knowing she was upset by such thoughts, I examined my own feelings and realized that in thinking of her with other men... I just didn't feel jealous. Moreover, I looked back and I think I always thought it was silly that, if you love someone, you would suddenly stop because they had a few moments of lust with someone else.
Polyamory is about more than having a loving relationship with one primary and a "few minutes of lust" with someone else. It's about sharing your life with 2 or more people... dating, eating together, sharing hobbies, life stories, deep feelings, all your insecurities and challenges, worries about your parents or kids, etc etc. Also both of your lovers need to be on board, and, if not be friends, at least be polite and cordial and supportive with you being in relationship with each other, time sharing, dealing with the new relationship energy you will feel when first in love.

If you want to be basically mono, but just "get a little on the side," there are a whole different set of rules than being polyamorous entails.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years
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