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Old 02-28-2012, 04:15 PM
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RfromRMC RfromRMC is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Raleigh/Durham, North Carolina
Posts: 239

Originally Posted by Geodude View Post
We've been seeing eachother for about a year now, and my moving in is going to be a slow process. Basically, I work wayyyyyyyy out of town and can be with them for maybe a week at a time, every month or two, as well as a couple of months during the spring. We're taking the steps for me to move in, but it won't be full-time for a couple more years when my current work situation changes. When I talked with him last night over the phone about it, I stressed that we have quite some time to make adjustments in our lives.
Sounds like a great pace to me to with this. Especially after a year of seeing them.

It's interesting that you say that... People in his life suggest the opposite, though: That he's more gay than he's letting on. I had previously asked if he'd enjoy playing with a woman, and he said he can't perform sexually with women (and when he was married would almost always think of men during sex). We're open and we encourage eachother to play separately if the desire arises. If he truly wants to have a romantic relationship with a woman, he knows that he's welcome to pursue that.

Regarding her being poly or understanding it, I'm guessing that she's most definitely not, being a very 'traditional' sort of woman. I completely believe that my partner sees their friendship as being a close, loving friendship, but I (and a number of other people, including our other partner) see her as being in love with him romantically. There have definitely been periods where he hasn't been seeing somebody where they could have pursued eachother romantically, as well, but he maintains it as a friendship.
Well with this clarification, my feeling now is that she's more of a beard for him. So poly-wise, there's little issues here. Closet-wise though, there's still much to deal with but I give kudos to the other partner for dealing with this for about a decade now and kudos to you for dealing with it for a year now, quite patiently in my view. I still think he may need professional help in this arena. Especially after a decade!

By the way, I'm not saying you have insecurities beyond what most people. I'm just saying we all get them now and then and to be aware if his treatment of his gal pal affects it. You say you'll express your discomfort if he's doting on her when he should be doting on you two guys...and I say that's within reason. Just do it diplomatically!
Just Rob now. That's all. .

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