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Old 02-28-2012, 04:01 PM
Geodude Geodude is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Good points from Rfrom RMC.

I also want to ask, how long have you been seeing these dudes? It's a good idea to hold off on moving in until at least a year has past, especially since you have these concerns about his barely cracked closet door, and apparent need for a "beard."
We've been seeing eachother for about a year now, and my moving in is going to be a slow process. Basically, I work wayyyyyyyy out of town and can be with them for maybe a week at a time, every month or two, as well as a couple of months during the spring. We're taking the steps for me to move in, but it won't be full-time for a couple more years when my current work situation changes. When I talked with him last night over the phone about it, I stressed that we have quite some time to make adjustments in our lives.

He could very well be more bi than he's letting on, but that's not bad per se! One great thing about polyamory is it does allow bisexuals flexibilty. You haven't mentioned anywhere whether your triad is going to be intended to be a closed, polyfidelitous one, or an open one where everyone can still have the freedom to explore. I would recommend at least considering the latter.
It's interesting that you say that... People in his life suggest the opposite, though: That he's more gay than he's letting on. I had previously asked if he'd enjoy playing with a woman, and he said he can't perform sexually with women (and when he was married would almost always think of men during sex). We're open and we encourage eachother to play separately if the desire arises. If he truly wants to have a romantic relationship with a woman, he knows that he's welcome to pursue that.

Regarding her being poly or understanding it, I'm guessing that she's most definitely not, being a very 'traditional' sort of woman. I completely believe that my partner sees their friendship as being a close, loving friendship, but I (and a number of other people, including our other partner) see her as being in love with him romantically. There have definitely been periods where he hasn't been seeing somebody where they could have pursued eachother romantically, as well, but he maintains it as a friendship.

you should try to also be aware of your own insecurities about trusting that his love for you and the other guy is genuine and real.
I'm not getting what you're saying here: By not saying that I'm questioning his love, I'm somehow questioning his love? I have no doubt in my mind that we love eachother, or else I wouldn't be getting into this.

I talked with him last night after he had a day while I was driving back to my jobsite to process the conversation, and he says that I've given him a lot to think about and that he envies how easy it is for me to be open about my sexuality/relationships. He wants to grow and for us to grow together, and when the three of us are in person again, we're going to discuss things further and kind of devise a 'plan of action'

I suggested that I spend some time with him and his friend to get to know her more and "to figure out this whole physical intimacy thing she has for you", but I warned that if she were to physically hang off of his arm, rub his shoulder, and dote over him while the three of us are spending time together, I would want to inform her of my discomfort.
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