Originally Posted by MsFickle
Honestly, I cannot see myself ever expecting equal time, resources, energy from a lover that already has a partner. Nor can I see myself giving them equal time, resources, energy as to what I give my husband... But it feels inherently wrong to join a poly community, even if I am honest-which I would always be- and to potentially get involved with someone who may want more than I am ever able to give them.
Well, then, by that logic you may as well lock yourself up indoors and avoid meeting any other human beings who may want more than you can give.
Kidding aside, what you want would definitely match up with what many in the poly community also want, I think. There are so many ways to practice polyamory. If you have a group that meets near you, at the very least you might find like-minded peeps to connect with and talk to, do things with, maybe make friends, and who knows - someone might just be looking for a secondary/less demanding/casual relationship/FWB type arrangement that would mesh with what you seek. Certainly, not every poly person wants a tribe cohabiting together, with everyone receiving equal time and attention. I do not subscribe to hierarchies, but even I still know that fair or equitable does not mean equal.
Have you checked out OKCupid.com? Most poly peeps belong, and it is a site that accommodates a wide range of parameters for dating/relationships.