After researching the term non-monogamous, I agree this is probably the term that fits me best at this point. The best definition I found was (again, found many sites interchanging the terms- swining, non-monogamous, swinger, which I find amusing, considering how clearly different all these are from one another) :
Non-monogamy - this is the practice of creating intimate relationships that may include sexual intimacy with more than one person and may or may not, be sexually exclusive within that relationship.
Basically, that's what I'm looking for, genuine, intimate relationships with others that are not only sex-focused but also that are not necessarily relationship focused. I'd say that that definition even covers the non-physical, online relationships I have with some.
Honestly, I cannot see myself ever expecting equal time, resources, energy from a lover that already has a partner. Nor can I see myself giving them equal time, resources, energy as to what I give my husband. And yes, I know I will not ever know what may be but instinct is telling me that this is how I am. But I do have a certain level of expectation in the sense that they will appreciate and care for me in more than a "fuck buddy" kind of manner. As I will most certainly be more than willing to give all that I epect in my relationships with others. I also would prefer to have one or two partners at most- that similarly has a lower number of partners and that's mostly because of the STD issue, not jealousy on my part concerning other relationships.
Unfortunately, I have a feeling there isn't any one place for me to meet other non-monogamous folk. I assume they are probably scattered out amongst all of the communities, just trying to figure it all out as well. But it feels inherently wrong to join a poly community, even if I am honest-which I would always be- and to potentially get involved with someone who may want more than I am ever able to give them. So...onward and upward. I'll figure this out eventually!
Thanks so much for the advice. We will def. check out that book and I'll let you know.