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Old 02-27-2012, 09:17 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by Megziebaby216 View Post
we had originally aggreed on julyish to give her the ring. But hubby gave it to her when we came home because of how upset she was because of her parents.

Where we are a triad, I consider my gf in every decision, even if it has my husband and i's name on it ( like our new vehicle), we each contribute.

Because of my anxiety disorder I start having muscle spasms and twitching and get sick everytime he talks about it. I have waited a few weeks now, to see if my gf will come around and talk to me.
A few things.
Did your husband and you agree to give her the ring together or did he just give it to her because she was upset. That seems like a poor reason to give somebody a ring.

You consider your girlfriend in every decision. When you used to date, and even when you met your husband, did you include these people in EVERY decision at three months? I have to say I consider it the opposite of independent what is going on, you may see yourselves that way because you have a home and kids and income, but in a relationship way, what you are describing seems co-dependant and rather dysfunctional with how your husband responds when you disagree with him, and with your failure to stand up for yourself.

The fact that you are "waiting for your girlfriend to come talk to you" is not going to get you anywhere. Why don't you go say "hey chicka, we need to talk about this?"

About your sickness and twitches. That's your body telling you that something is seriously wrong. Listen to it. When you are managing your relationships in ways that are healthy and loving to yourself, those anxiety symptoms wont happen.

And I hate to say it, but when I think about adults who are getting pregnant at 3 months into dating, I think of the people I see on daytime court TV show looking foolish because they made rash decisions and ended up in a mess. I figure if the situation I am in can be on a trashy tv show to titillate the audience, perhaps I'd better slow down and think things through, and what you guys are rushing into seems like it could easily do that.

You DO have to know that having kids with somebody before you have really gotten to know them isn't a good idea don't you? There is not one single reason in the entire universe that you can't wait til at least a year to see if the relationships have worked out. It doesn't matter if it's a mono or a poly relationship, it just isn't wise.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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