If you can't get over the trust issues and her hiding stuff all the time, this isn't going to work out well for anyone. Your first order of business should not be talking about whether or not poly will work for the two of you. It should be building trust. First, she needs to agree to tell you anything that is pertinent. Having a guy move in is something that would be very tempting to anyone in that situation. If she thinks she could resist the urge while he's there and you aren't you might as well have all recovering alcoholics own bars.
Second, she needs to be more truthful. Does she want to see other people or does she want to be poly? Some of what you said made me feel like she's comfortable with you but wants to emotionally be somewhere else. Find out what she wants between the two of you without anyone else.
Third, don't compromise your beliefs to satisfy her and dont let her compromise hers for you. That will breed resentment. Some people are mono. That's all there is to it. It sucks and if she's going to have to make a decision it's going to have to be the lifestyle. Her past tells me she's going to have a very difficult time remaining mono if you tell her no to poly. That means she may cheat again. I don't claim to be an oracle but she isn't acting like she wants to make a mutual decision. She's acting like she wants to do this and you need to get over your fears or move on.
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith
Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
Last edited by KyleKat; 02-27-2012 at 06:26 PM.