Please read Sex at Dawn
Hi Ms Fickle,
You've had an interesting time, very challenging, well done for coming through it all.
I believe many of your questions would be answered if you would read this book: Sex at Dawn by Cathilda Jetha and Christopher Ryan. It would be even better if you both read it; your husband should find it very interesting as well.
It's a bit academic from time to time, but absolutely brilliant, radical even; it tells us so much about ourselves and why we struggle so with life long monogamy.
I'd love to hear how you get on with it.