Originally Posted by zylya
Does her "primary" actually know about this secondary relationship? Just because a) she's debated which "one" to choose, b) she is against you meeting him and hasn't provided a reason why not which leads to c) you backwards rationalise this by saying he must be mono and can't accept her.
Just a couple of potential red flags - obviously if you have more info, let us know.
I believe and trust her when she tells me he does. Though I have never met him or even spoken to him, she has mentioned on many occasions that they have had conversations about me. Early on in the first few months of our relationship, I believe our growing feelings for each other caused a rift in their relationship, resulting in a time out with her bf. She had admitted to him that her feelings for me were deeper than she has expected them to ever be. Of course I am assuming at this point, but I believe their arrangement is more of a DADT policy. She had mentioned previously that she doesn't always inform him when we meet for a date, and there was one time where she did, he got a bit snippy. These things have led me to my assumptions about their relationship dynamic. I am curious to know more...so this is another conversation I must have with her.
I have not asked her directly to meet her bf, though there was one incident where I jokingly thought out loud about what it would be like to meet him...she said she didn't know if she would let that happen. This was of course, before we had expressed our love for each other.
Just re-capping this all in my head starts to make me believe that it either will take a long time and lots of patience on my end for this to work...or that I'm wasting my time and energy where I'll just be hurt in the end. The latter being one of my worst fears...