Thanks for the questions, D - was thinking about them yesterday evening.
Are your thoughts centered around safety and security....or the bond of traditional families with children and the natural support system? Or the biological urge for family and children?
I think it's to do with seeing the natural support system that comes from traditional families as a route to safety and security. Safety and security are hugely important for me.
I have no biological urge for children and no conscious desire to have the lifestyle that having children means. I look after small children fairly regularly and while I do like them - they are fun and entertaining - I'm always happy to get away.
And more than that - I don't approve of marriage and never have done. To me, it's a bit iffy from a moral perspective. Not like killing somebody - but still, not something I'd be overly happy getting involved with.
Depending on where you live Long term care insurance could cover that old age/care issue. If that's the type of security you are talking about.
Hmmm - that sort of security is around having decisions made on my behalf if I'm not able to. My father had dementia for a long time before he died which is why it's so much on my mind.
Sadly, in the UK, no amount of legal documents, advance directives, living wills or other documentation is enough to guarantee that doctors will do what you want. They always consult with the legal next of kin - whoever those people are they get the biggest say.
Why are you resistant to listening to any of those head voices little or otherwise? What would be the down side for you in exploring that little voice. How would that change things for you?
I'm not sure what would happen now but I have listened to those voices before. When my lovely ex and I got together, that was down to listening to those voices about how a traditional life would be the way to safety, security and happiness.
The up side of that experience was that I had the chance to explore what listening to those voices would be like.
Another up side was that once it was done, I was able to enjoy being single and exploring what I wanted to do without worrying that I should be looking for a partner.
The down side was that I lost myself totally in that relationship. I had to change so much to stay in it which I did because I loved - and still love - my ex. Ultimately I became depressed, lonely and miserable.
So - I'm reasonably confident that the little voices are not really mine. Those are from my mum who would feel safer if I was settled in a traditional way or from married friends who would feel the same way. They are loving, caring, well meaning voices but I think that listening to them wouldn't serve me well.
I think. A crystal ball would be nice!! lol
Seriously, though. More so than before all the dealing with illness and death that has been going on in my life in the past year or so, I'm feeling like those little voices are stronger than before.
I thought they had gone away and it's quite surprising to have them back again.