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Old 02-27-2012, 02:36 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

Originally Posted by Wants2BEqual View Post
Thanks Bookbug. Yes your experience seems similar except you got out at 1year...we tried to end it earlier. I broke up a few times in the beginning because of her pain...then he did a few times...we kept finding our way back (always him or him/her saying she was open too) and I allowed it.

I dont hold blame out to her. How could you possibly know when you agree to spice up your marriage, what could come. However agree it does seem a little naive, especially as a woman, to think emotional connection wont come if you open your husband up to other women.

NOt sure the chance is left to ask for deadlines on timing. Apparently she has taken a turn for the worse after realizing that if offered it again, i'd choose one on one with him. Appears she is in a bad way over that, unable to get outside of herself to see the larger picture, and he is not talking now either. He needs time and space to think about what to do.
This is hell and its killing me inside.

Curious, how are you handling moving on while still being friends AND deeply in love/missing him???? How do you make that work?

My apologies on the long response time.

Honestly, I will hold onto whatever relationship with him I can have. We are that well-matched. The two of us are still trying to come to terms with our new "status". We are in daily communication by text, phone, and email. We find that we do okay, are kind of philosophical about the whole thing most of the time, but when we see each other in the flesh, it rekindles the longing. Don't know if that will diminish over time or not.

We've talked about being afraid to "let go", but that is more a psychological manifestation imo, than anything else. In all reality we have let go. Our lives are no longer entwined except as they would be with any friends that you love and care for.

I won't lie, although far from perfect, getting to this place was pure hell. The sense of loss was overwhelming. But it always came down to the fact that what choice did we have? Like you, I will never ask him to choose me over his wife and children.

I've finally reached the place, where I know I could go on and be happy if I knew that he could accept things and be happy. For some reason, it seems we must do this in lockstep. Due to winter illness, (his kids, me, his wife, him etc.) it's been three weeks since we've had a chance to talk in person. I am eager to see where his head is at ~ hard to discern by text, especially given the fact that we've been under weather.

One thing I know is that his wife, my friend, is now back in a good place psychologically, since he and I declared our platonic status. (And at one point he offered to cut off all contact with me in order to prove his love to her. The gesture was enough; she decided she didn't require him to actually do it.) For this I am glad. Just wish she could understand that our love for each other does not take away from her. However, since she's relaxed, she is no longer uptight about him spending time with me. In fact, next weekend he's coming to my house to help me with a computer problem.

I don't know if any of this will help you, but know that I know how you feel. Going to read the rest of the thread now to see if there have been any updates.
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