these boards are awesome - love everyone's take on everyone else's relationships, and how people all respond differently to the same triggers. Realizing that a lot of the peeps who respond to my stuff are in really different relationship set ups than me - me in my man/woman full on marriage vs lots of solo poly people, secondaries, peeps who do have 'primaries' but don't even live with them. there's a poly rainbow happening on this site, and i like hearing all of the different perspectives and ideals.
i don't think i could've picked a better title for my blog - ideals vs. realities. Because here i am, in the nuclear explosion aftermath of trying to live out my ideals, and finding out that it wasn't the reality that worked for E. and I. So now what? As the dust settles, and we work on clearing the rubble, it's just too soon to say - we need some calm, some peace, and some respite from the hubbub that our lives became.
in some ways, what i think i am after is a woman who is in a very similar situation to mine. someone who is also married to a man, who wants threesomes. like two unicorns that live domestically LOL. i could join them, she could join us. we'd get our threesomes, but without the drama of trying to create a poly-fi triad where we sustain all three people in one relationship. Does anyone do this, I wonder?
In my previous poly lives, i was almost always the hinge in a vee. it's an amazing situation to be in - you get more love, more sex, more fun, more everything. your partner gets the same as before if they remain mono (which surprisingly, a lot of them did despite having the offer on the table to vee off on their own) - except you're even happier/hornier than before LOL. it's different when you enter into multiple relationships, or all trying to sustain relationships together. WAY different. you have to live it to believe it
so many possibilities. i like how redpepper has offered up different ideas to people before - instead of a triad, maybe two vees, maybe one vee, one triad, etc.... like, think differently about what might actually work instead of just getting fixed on one scenario. or my sis/her partner's ideas of scaling WAY back in our proposed scenario and seeing how THAT feels. all of this encouragement to find our own way is really uplifting during what could be a very depressing time, and i'm finding a lot of joy in that concept.