Usually people find counseling a tool to get communications started, or cleaned up (removing emotional triggers ) and or just generally improved with a train referee present. (fight nice kids) Also it opens up avenues to address past grievances and resentments.
When you say counseling didn't help I assume you to mean it didn't help him like or enjoy the concept of sharing you (body or time) with other guys.
Did you read the thread by kindapod???? Was your husband consistently sending you a similar message. Perhaps you didn't want to hear it so you ignored it? Perhaps his message was more subtle and it was in his actions and demeanor.
Has yourself-esteem ever been an issue in this. How many dates has he blown off. Is it the blowing off of the dates that's bothersome or the greater concept of him checking out of the marriage?
How bad do you want to be married or partners with him?
Has he read this thread?? If not it Could be a good way to start a conversation.