I have been thinking more about this and I wonder if part of my unease just now comes from having a strong, subconscious, emotional connection in my mind that links marriage and kids with safety and security.
While I know logically that getting married and having children is not a guaranteed route to being safe and secure - emotionally, financially or physically - think that my emotional self feels differently.
My logical self tells me that I'm okay. I have friends around me with who love me and who I would trust absolutely to take care of various parts of my life if I was to become unable to do so myself any longer.
More importantly, my legal next of kin - my mum, brother and sister - are people that I can trust to do whatever I would need them to in a time of crisis. Even if they didn't agree with or understand my wishes. My brother and sisters gf and bf are people I would trust to be guiding voices if my own relatives were finding things difficult.
So - logically I'm fine. My position now is no more or less safe than it would be if I had decided to lead a more traditional life.
And yet - there is sometimes still a little voice in my head urging me to stop and to find a more conventional life.
Hopefully writing, talking and thinking about it will help to keep that feeling in check.