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Old 11-23-2009, 03:14 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Really interesting. As I said in Mono's post about self-discovery, I've been thinking about fidelity a lot and don't think it's synonymous with exclusive, even in a mono context.

Here's what I said:

I've been thinking about the word fidelity a lot recently. For myself (and again, I stress that this if for myself), fidelity is not synonymous with exclusive. I know that some people may consider this semantics, but I think there's something behind using a word that means faithfulness and loyalty and then saying that that word cannot apply to non-exclusive relationships. For me, it's a mono-centric view of the word. But thinking that way has made me have to unpack exactly what what fidelity is in a relationship if it does not mean exclusivity to me. This is what I've come up with so far, and it's still a work in progress.

With fidelity, I know that my partner loves me holds my needs to be important.
With fidelity, I know that my partner will consider my feelings before he or she acts.
With fidelity, I know that my partner is committed to a long term sustainable partnership with me.
With fidelity, I know that my partner will make choices that keep us and our partnership healthy.

These are just my own thoughts and feelings on the idea of fidelity.
In fact, I'm growing to dislike the term polyfidelity for that reason. I don't think the word or the idea should only be owned by those who keep their relationships exclusive. You can have fidelity with an open relationship just as you can have commitment.
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