Thread: I'm delusional!
View Single Post
Old 02-26-2012, 07:11 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 9,940

Obviously your bf's position on things has changed and he wants something more than being monogamous in a LDR with someone he can only see every 10 weeks, which seems unreasonable anyway. Of course he would not want to move in with you and be involved only with you - he's got another girlfriend now too. He's not monogamous anymore! So, stop hanging on to that wish.

Yes, it is a douchebag move for him to have had unprotected sex before you could negotiate that boundary, and I wonder why that's not a dealbreaker for you. However, it seems like you've been operating from expectations based on assumptions rather than clear, direct communication. You feel committed to the bf, but he obviously has a different stance on his commitment to you. You and your hubs have some glaring misunderstanding between you, too.

I think you would do well to let go a bit of your attachment to the bf, since it doesn't seem like the kind of co-primary relationship that would be satisfying for you if he wants to stay where he is. I think, that if you do continue seeing him, now you use condoms and consider it more casual/less demanding than it was before. If you want a co-primary type of situation with an additional partner, look closer to home. AND start examining and find ways to improve your communication skills, so you're no longer assuming everyone wants the same as you do, when they are assuming differently.

Oh, and of course, if you've had unprotected sex with him after he did so with someone else, you need to get tested for STIs asap.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 02-26-2012 at 04:17 PM.
Reply With Quote