What I am seeing in some poly relationship descriptions are these exact same things. But I think it is called Polyfidelity - which is confusing to me....I thought a major point of poly was to give your partner(s) the freedom to explore any/all relationships? But some people have these 'closed' poly groups.....which I don't understand. Is it possible some poly's are monogamous poly's? (Or am I opening a GIGANTIC can of worms on that?)
I found it interesting, earlier she (you if you read this Nyx) explained what "significant other" explained to her/you.
At that point I really started actively paying attention-because I found I disagreed for me. I have two significant others. I'm not "officially" in a polyfidelity relationship. I don't know what we are in officially-as we are right in the beginning process of identifying that ourselves... but I suspect it will go that direction at least in part.
I know for me personally-I feel as though I have "all I need" in my partners. So being with anyone else isn't something I need or want. Therefore having the freedom to explore any/all relationships doesn't mean I am going to "hook up with another partner" and fidelity isn't something that stops me from having that freedom.
Somewhere I seem to recall (not sure where right now) that Ceoli was laying out for Mono HER idea of what Fidelity was... I can't recall what she said exactly-but I remember thinking at the time "WOW that is so me!"
This post by Nyx really got me thinking and so I looked up Fidelity in the dictionary-because I fear I don't agree with the common understanding of what Fidelity means.
This is what Dictionary.com says:
fi⋅del⋅i⋅ty /fɪˈdɛlɪti, faɪ-/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [fi-del-i-tee, fahy-]
noun, plural -ties.
1. strict observance of promises, duties, etc.: a servant's fidelity.
2. loyalty: fidelity to one's country.
3. conjugal faithfulness.
4. adherence to fact or detail.
5. accuracy; exactness: The speech was transcribed with great fidelity.
6. Audio, Video. the degree of accuracy with which sound or images are recorded or reproduced.
1375–1425; late ME fidelite (< MF) < L fidēlitās, equiv. to fidēli- (s. of fidēlis loyal, equiv. to fidē(s) faith + -lis adj. suffix) + -tās -ty 2
2. See loyalty. 5. precision, faithfulness, rigor, meticulousness.
Faithfulness to obligations, duties, or observances.
Exact correspondence with fact or with a given quality, condition, or event; accuracy.
The degree to which an electronic system accurately reproduces the sound or image of its input signal.
[Middle English fidelite, from Old French, from Latin fidēlitās, from fidēlis, faithful, from fidēs, faith; see bheidh- in Indo-European roots.]
Synonyms: These nouns denote faithfulness. Fidelity implies the unfailing fulfillment of one's duties and obligations and strict adherence to vows or promises: fidelity to one's spouse.
Allegiance is faithfulness considered as a duty: "I know no South, no North, no East, no West, to which I owe any allegiance.... The Union, Sir, is my country" (Henry Clay).
Fealty, once applied to the obligation of a tenant or vassal to a feudal lord, now suggests faithfulness that one has pledged to uphold: swore fealty to the laws of that country.
Loyalty implies a steadfast and devoted attachment that is not easily turned aside: loyalty to an oath; loyalty to one's family.
Word Origin & History
1494, from M.Fr. fidélité, from L. fidelitatem (nom. fidelitas) "faithfulness, adherence," from fidelis "faithful," from fides "faith" (see faith).
Main Entry: fi·del·i·ty
: the quality or state of being faithful or loyal; especially : loyalty to one's spouse in refraining from adultery and sometimes in submitting to a spouse's reasonable sexual desires
Ultimately what I decided is that I believe that Fidelity really has nothing to do with "having sex" or "how many partners" my significant others have.
It has to do with how they honor their commitments to me. As I'm not asking them to commit to a lifetime of being sexual only with me-then it's not breaking of a commitment or promise if they do.
On the other hand, as I have asked them to commit to friendship with one another AND to not have other partners under ANY circumstances that can't be friends with us also-then if they chose to have sex with someone who didn't get along with the other two (at this time) of us-THAT would be breaking their fidelity.
Love to hear others thoughts!!