Phy: As we grow/learn, our perspectives are certs gunna change, no doubt about it. naievity/ideals vs. realities, and some life lessons come hard.
so to be clear, you're sayin' that because it's different than what you'd do, that it's not poly? and you're saying that their partners have hardship and deserve respect for being with them for more than 18 months (about how long it takes to actually get to know someone, btw)? hooo boy! i bet my sis & her partner & their partners would have a good chuckle over both those ideas
you don't have to feel the empathy - they've already got that goin' on in their own lives. so you wouldn't date 'em, that's cool. lots of peeps are doing lots of different things in poly, figuring it out, working on their relationships - kudos to 'em all, i say!
that's cool - glad you're finding yer way in poly after a sad divorce. it sucks that everyone gets their heart broke at some point, poly, mono, celibate - agreements or no agreements - participation in any relationship ends in hurt sometimes. so you've been poly for about two years, eh? and haven't had a primary relationship that you work outwards from? you've got some strong ideals, and i'm glad they're workin' for you! you must have some really awesome relationships with yer partner's SOs, eh?