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Old 02-25-2012, 04:12 PM
sealace sealace is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Well, are you a secret? Or does it just feel like that due to the parameters of your relationship just not being what you're used to?

Honestly, it doesn't sound like a strange situation to me. It seems you do go out and do more together than just getting nekkid and fucking. But the silence in between dates bothers you. If so, what stops you from texting him a cheery hello a few days after seeing him, or giving him a call just to talk? Is there an agreement you have not to be in touch?

Perhaps it isn't quantity of time that bothers you, but the quality of time you spend together. If I were you, I would ask yourself what more you wanted from it - more heartfelt conversations? Connecting with other people in his life, and sharing the people in your life with him? Some sort of declaration of feelings? Some people need a lot of time to get close to someone who they deem as non-primary.

Once you've put the finger on what's bothering you, you may want to examine whether you are wondering how comfortable you are with it because of the expectations you've been taught to have surrounding relationships -- or if there really is something unsatisfying in your interactions with him. If you get really clear on what's going on in your heart and mind, then I think you'll know whether or not you want to initiate some changes to the dynamic you have.
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Thanks for your replies. His g.f. knows about me. I think I just find myself playing the girl/boy game of "if he was really into me, he'd be writing/texting etc. me" and I shouldn't have to/don't want to be the needy girl.

My b.f. lives out of state so my needs for connection are greater right now. Also, I just broke up with a girl I was seeing who provided much of my social life so I'm more lonely.

I'm also finding myself super jealous at the thought of him with someone else (not his primary, but other lovers) and I have NO idea who else he sees and how often. Largely I don't want to know because I think it might upset me since I'm feeling so vulnerable right now. Essentially as I write this, I am aware that I am going through some shit and projecting on to him. I think I just want more attention and adoration! But he is probably not the right place to look for that.

As for the "quality" of time...it's funny, he's the one who is all about going out and doing things and I'm usually like let's go home. I guess what bothers me there is that he is not forthcomingly affectionate with me, even when it comes to holding hands, etc. But, that's just him.

Thanks.

Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 05:02 AM.
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