Is hierarchy problematic or just fine?
There are some discussions about terminology, where the question of hierarchy is sometimes talked about for a bit. The general consensus seems to be usually "whatever works". I am not one who has any interest in passing judgement on anybody, and my goal in starting this thread is definitely not in attacking anybody or their relationships.
I myself do not have a clear opinion about the question I am posing. I myself don't do hierarchical relationships, whether romantic or not, (e.g. my husband is no more important to me than my friend just because he is my husband), but I certainly do not think something is wrong just because I don't do that. Please, do know that it is not my intention to pass judgement or to cause conflict or divisions or to define The One Right Way To Do Poly.
I was just thinking about the statement "hierarchy is not a problem in itself, if it is not abused". And I am not sure I would agree with that.
For example, the Bible says that man is to be the head of household/ his wife. It also says that man is to act responsibly in this role. Now, some think that there is nothing problematic in this for the woman. That it is how it should be. That because the man is to act responsibly in the position of authority, the inequality is not problematic. I think that the inequality is inherently problematic, regardless of the behaviour of the man. It is not relevant to me here, whether the man abuses the hierarchical structure; the hierarchy is the problem.
So, that got me thinking.. is there some fundamental difference with this kind of hierarchical structure and a hierarchically structured poly relationship, which would justify the hierarchy?
I am not trying to argue a point (at least not yet, as I am unsure myself about the issue). I would welcome thoughts.
Living with my partner Mya
and metamour Hank. Seeing Lily.