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Old 02-25-2012, 10:14 AM
Red0824 Red0824 is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9

I talked and talk to hubby about what I post on here and what feedback I get from all of you. When I had mentioned what you all said, putting poly on hold for the baby and us for right now. His main question was and still is, how is he supposed to do that while he is deep in NRE with his gf? He says, how do I even start that conversation with her? So I tell him, you just do it, if she was understanding and a nice person, not selfish in the slightest that she would gracefully bow out and understand for the time being. I don't think he wants to end it, or put it on hold. We are not happy, he said just now, he would wait around to see what kind of a person I would become if I start working on myself. See, we got married young, 18 and 19. I fell hard and lost myself in him. Now that he has changed and moved on, I have to pick up the pieces and put myself back together. It doesn't help that he is constantly reminding me that this could work in the future if I just changed into a dynamic, less of a shell of a person. I don't know how to take that. He will still be living with me in a seperated bedroom with gf coming over, he doesn't see how that makes me uncomfortable. If he really loved me, wouldnt he dump her and wait on me? Or is that a selfish thing to ask, because I already did. I'm still in the denial phase, I want this to work for what it is when we are good. But if he isn't willing to see what he did wrong these two weeks and 9 months. I don't think he is worth trying to win back. And coming to that realization is what hurts the most. He says I'm afraid to be alone with myself, easy for him to say, he has someone to go to throughout this whole ordeal. If he is feeling any pain, shouldn't he be focusing on it instead of his gf? Or do I have this all wrong? He hates that I bring up the fact that during these two weeks I was sick with a bad cold, fever and chills and taking care of a newborn, that night he went on his date with gf anyway, said if I needed him to call an he would be on his way. Well i did, and he asked if my mom was taking care of me. I said yes and he stayed out, spent the night at her place. He asked me why do I harp on that one mistake? I bring it up because I want to get a sorry reaction, I want to see that he really cares still. But from him getting so angry and still continuing to see her shows that he's not worth it anymore, even if he is the father of my child and even when we are happy that it's amazing. I told him I feel neglected, I have felt neglected, he says i should've expressed those feelings a long time ago. Am I hanging on too tightly? Should he be staying with me for another year to wait to see if I would change? I think I'm so desperate now more than ever to get back the love we once had that I'm letting what is in front of me cloud my mind. I'm too scared to let him go because I devoted myself to him so fully.
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