re: guy #2 - I don't think there's any strange or typical when it comes to this. What matters is what you are comfortable with. I see one partner once a week, and I don't tend to hear from him between unless there is some fact on scheduling that he isn't clear on. That is not ideally how I like relationships to be as that can make it hard for me to feel connected, but it is OK. He has a wife and a girlfriend, and isn't able to spare more time. Is guy #2 seeing anybody else? If he has a live in girlfriend and hobbies and a job, he might just not have time other than that, but you can't know if you don't ask if it is lack of time or lack of desire TO spend more time with you (or even he'd spend more time with you but has no idea you are interested if you don't say anything?). Neither are bad, but I always like knowing where things stand so I ask those questions.
If you want to have more of a "friend" connection with him, or if you want to be incorporated into his life more, hang out with his gf, friends, or whatever it is that is making you feel like a secret/squicky, you should probably talk to him about it and say you would like to add those things to your relationship. If you want to talk more often, you could ask about scheduling an IM date, or meeting for coffee every couple of weeks, or whatever it is you need. The partner I mentioned keeps his relationship with me very compartmentalized, and due to limited time, it tends to end up just being bed and meals when we are together. I don't really enjoy the compartmentalization at all for a number of reasons, but there just isn't enough time to balance all the activities in the world.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.