I'm in a poly relationship with my wife of 16 years. I'm basically mono, free to date but not terribly interested, whereas she has a steady girlfriend (a very nice lady with experience in alternative relationships and poly in particular). They've been together about six months. Before that, our relationship was open with my wife having several casual partners.
My wife visits with g-f a couple of times a week for a couple of hours. G-f comes over and has dinner with us and our kids a couple of evenings as well. The kids love her, and she's very nice, well-adjusted, supportive of our marriage and my predicament.
The problem is, though I understand all the positive benefits to the family and get that my wife loves me, I continue to experience powerful depressive crashes based on fear of the marriage ending or me not being the primary. In bringing my deeply buried insecurities to the forefront, it's also highlighted numerous ways in which I become communication-challenged when under emotional stress. I feel as though virtually every time I open my mouth, I cause more of a train-wreck. I'm not abusive, but I'm depressed, hesitant to ask for what I really want, and not good at picking the right time to talk. My concern now is that I'm going to wreck things completely before I get a handle on this.
I also feel the time management element. It's not that four hours a week is a ton of time, but I would love to have two two-hour blocs of time with my wife every week where there are no distractions and we're completely focused on each other.