Originally Posted by ultradeluxe
"hopefully" is the operative word, RP. I think he's consumed with the NRE he's found in this other girl and is completely distracted from dealing with our own issues.
It's a vast and deep hurt and if I'm being honest, I don't know how much more I'm willing to take.
You have 3 months invested in him, not three years. In three months, who knows if he was also looking elsewhere, and how long he has actually been interested in her. In 3 months, he found it easy to brush you aside, for his new interest.
Usually the NRE in the first 6 months to a year is pretty heavy. I am also concerned that he has you in this role of 'good and light'. I find poly people with the attitude of ; 'This one fits this part of me, and this one fits this other side of me...'
...kinda scary. It treats people as human lego.
While people make mistakes when they are unsure of how to engage in poly, and people also can hide and lie if they have been made to feel ashamed of their manners,...there are some red flags that tell me this isn`t so much the case with your guy. I am seeing someone who appears very selfish.
For instance : It`s abnormal for someone who is 'scared' of losing people, to be insistent that they are going to fuck who they want anyhow. If anything, guilt usually consumes them, and they over-compensate with compromising their desires.
You sound like a person who fell in love with a nice man, but not the right man. He sounds like he is your 'hot mess'. I would trust your gut instinct if I were you.
My blunt advice is : DTMFA.
My kind advice is : For you to talk to her. If he wont let you, take your cue, and then DTMFA.
Good luck to you.