Originally Posted by dingedheart
You said you moved out then later decided to return. Before, during or after did you and your wife participate in any marriage counseling?
So as I get the question now ....its I have these new ideas, got to sample some of that briefly, made the decision to return....now really starting to regret that decision. Have you told your wife about this? Trust your gut and do what you need to do to be your authentic self.
My wife and I have gone to marriage counseling MANY times. We went to counseling on and off over a period of years before our separation, and with several counselors. I had to drag her kicking and screaming each time. We haven't gone since the separation b/c it takes so much energy and I'm worn out from trying. She is not a bad person but she isnít an open person either. She is who she is but doesnít want to change. I am the one who wants the changes. I just want significant others that want (at least a little bit) of what I want.
You have correctly interpreted the gist of my situation. I haven't told her of my latest thoughts and feelings. I wanted to let them simmer for awhile. I have gone through a lot of changes in the last five years. It is hard on a family. I have learned some things canít be discussed; others have to be timed. It is not a simple thing. That is one reason I discuss them here. So what do I do when my beliefs interfere with the standard definition of monogamy according to my wife? I am not left with many choices.
It is hard to trust my gut. I don't know why. Perhaps it is b/c I feel like such an island. I am beginning to think I may be a pagan who also believes in polyamory. You know how rare that is??? I donít know any pagans personally. I donít know anyone who is actively living a poly lifestyle either. I can make decisions, but when it is just you, it makes it harder.