I'm sorry for your loss. You have my sincere condolences. And yes having gone through similar events does trigger these thoughts and feelings.
Shortly after our last funeral I was thinking about how we always try to remember and honor the joy and happiness of the people lost and it was time to start finding joy and happiness for myself ....to be retold by other later down the line.
Poor choices happen....I got a couple that are going to haunt me til I die, but that just the nature of game can't dwell on it. As long as you're not making the same poor choices over and over and in that mix you find your joy and happiness it all works out in the end.
Take care D