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Old 02-23-2012, 06:06 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 264

Just wanted to share this happy update to my saga. I took Anneintherain's excellent advice and got the 5 Love Languages book, which my husband and I both read and had some huge "aha" moments. We also had one good counselling session. Now we understand each other much, much better and are both getting far better at loving each other, and enjoying loving each other. It's quite a shift.

We also reopened our marriage, somewhat. My husband decided he could tolerate my involvement with C (everything but sex/oral) and still allow him in my life, as long as he personally isn't expected to interact with him. Last weekend C and I were both signed up for a dance camp in a town where C has an apartment. My husband listened to my offer to stay in a hotel or with other friends or to use the apartment while C stayed elsewhere, but when I expressed what was pretty much my fantasy, which was to spend the nights there with C, he said he was ok with that -as long as sex was not included. So I did -I had a long weekend with C, spending much of our days at a camp where we only interacted as friends in a crowd, but eating our meals at his place (except one lovely picnic lunch in a park) and spending nights in his bed. Total bliss!

In the days since I've been home, I've felt such an enormous rush of love for my husband for letting this come to be. And I feel sooooooo sexy. And happy, happy, happy. My husband is enjoying it. Above all, I feel like I am finally complete. All the parts of my life have just clicked into place. No more wistful longing for something I can't have. (Of course I miss C since he is usually far away, but that's a sweet kind of longing because I know he'll be back eventually.)

I've been thinking recently about my single years, when I once calculated that more than half of my time in relationships had been long distance, and I used to joke that I must be more lovable from a distance. I think it's really that I like writing and anticipating and the joy of reuniting, but that alone is not fulfilling. Now I have a long distance boyfriend and a husband, and that feels absolutely perfect.

So for the record, here is one mono/poly couple who have achieved a happy state.
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