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Old 11-22-2009, 04:19 PM
Hodge Hodge is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4
Default Long distance girlfriend wants to go poly

First, thanks to all the contributors! I've already tried to read some threads about starting a poly relationship, and found some interesting and helpful comments already, especially by "Mono" (sp?) about living in a poly-relationship as the mono-person.

I still decided to start a new thread because my "question" is specifically about long-distance relationships: I've been in a long-distance relationship for 5 years. I'm the mono in the relationship who feels she's "the one"; she's felt the same way these last few years, but she had polyamorous inclinations before she met me and recently "rediscovered" them. (Edit: to clarify, she didn't mention this to me until the rediscovery, and I believe her that she genuinely felt "mono" during these 5 years, if that makes sense to say.) Since then, she's also become attracted to a male friend of hers. We agreed that she'll talk to him and tell him that she's still in love with me and wants to stay with me and that I've declared my willingness and openness to the idea of a polyamorous relationship (which I have, although that was preceded by pain and confusion) . Once she's talked to him, she and I will discuss how to proceed from there.

And this is where my question comes in: I'm going to see her at Christmas the earliest for about 10 days, and then again in February for a two weeks. We originally planned that I'd leave my country for good and give the relationship a "short-distance" shot in June. My question is whether it's better to agree that we should wait till Christmas, and discuss it face-to-face, and only then start seriously building a poly-relationship, or whether it's better to have her start dating her friend "right away" ... from my point of view, the second option seems "riskier" because we have so much physical distance between each other, but on the other hand this is the situation we're going to be in for most of the coming months, and I also don't know how I would feel if I was a poly person opening up to my boyfriend and he'd tell me not to date someone...

To summarise: I think I'm the typical mono confronted with the idea of a poly relationship, who loves the other person more than anything but is also freaked out and terrified (but excited, too, sometimes), _plus_ it's about a long-distance relationship.

I thank you all in advance for any kind of advice or anecdotes or experiences, and I wish you all the best in your own life adventures. Thanks for reading.

Last edited by Hodge; 11-22-2009 at 04:23 PM.
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