View Single Post
Old 02-23-2012, 02:12 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,796

Originally Posted by SoCalDoc View Post
If we go this route, i picture it as a V, with my wife as the hinge. I think she'd prefer a married bi woman, rather than a lesbian woman for example, so they would have more in common. I'm not looking for a 3some, so a triad is not anticipated.
I really like how you phrase this...expressing how you think things might look/work without negating all other possibilities. As a married bi woman myself this is a scenario that I could see as inviting. A supportive husband who doesn't automagically expect all-threesomes-all-the-time...priceless! I tend to be attracted to bisexual or straight (rather than lesbian) women myself so I can definitely see that may be more comfortable for her.

Although you may not anticipate it you should give some consideration to what might happen if you were to develop feelings for your wife's girlfriend or vice versa (if she is bi) that completely off limits or does it depend on where they are in their relationship? I can envision that for someone starting on their journey that they might be "protective" of their new GF and want to see how that dynamic works on its own without adding another relationship (you+GF) into the mix. (From what I can glean from what you have written I would suggest you discuss it in a theoretical way before she gets involved with a distant hypothetical possibility.)

Originally Posted by SoCalDoc View Post
Few nights ago, while messing around, my wife asked me "what would you most enjoy seeing me do with another woman?" My answer was: fall in love. This answer surprised my wife, although she was pleased to hear it. I guess it also surprised me. I don't fully understand why, but thinking of my wife falling in love w another woman actually turns me on, as in arousal. Does this make sense? How do you explain this? BTW, the gender is significant, I wouldn't feel this way if the other person was a man. Hmmm. Is this common, for polyamory to be a source of arousal, even for the mono spouse.
This is a lovely answer!

Thinking about someone else helping your wife to feel so happy/safe/fulfilled, while being viewed as no direct threat? I can certainly see that this would be a "turn-on." (Regardless of the sexual aspect of knowing there might be some hot girl-on-girl action going on somewhere out of sight...)

Originally Posted by SoCalDoc View Post
More about gender...I think of woman-woman intimacy as being separate and distinct from man-woman intimacy, so I don't feel threatened by the idea of my wife having a GF. But I wonder if this is misguided. Any other guys have same/different feelings about this?.
My husband felt exactly the same way when we got together (almost word-for-word in my recollection). My relationships with other girls never threatened him at all. He felt that they and he had different things to "offer" and therefore were not in competition. (I would posit that every single person has different things to "offer" ...but starting out from a position of comfort can't be a bad thing!)

It probably depends on the person - some bisexuals may find that their relationships with either sex are the "same" (as much as any relationship can be the "same" as another), I find that mine are not. In relationships - friend or lover - with women I find that I tend to take on the role of "protector/problem-solver", in relationships with men I want to feel "protected/taken-care-of" if they are my lover (but can take the role of "protector/problem-solver" if we are only friends).

I don't know if any of this is helpful but those are the thoughts I had while reading your post. It sounds to me as though you have given this a lot of consideration and are at a good place from which to start the journey and see where it goes.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Reply With Quote