Sorry, I haven't read what has come before, so if this is a repeat excuse me.
I would be very firm on what change I would need to feel respected if I were you; right now. If you subscribe to the point of view that poly dynamics should "go at the pace of the one struggling the most," then this would be you and I would work hard to let them know how they can make it right by you.
This did not start well but in theory it could work for the three of them to be together. I don't hold much hope of that happening under one roof the way it is however. If I were in your position it would be time for them to find other accommodation. One of them has work now, I would give them a couple of months and then help them move. In the mean time, for me, I would ask for no more sexy time until boundaries are discussed, time is organised so they can be together and you can have date time with your partner. I don't see, in a house with four adults, why you can't go and have date nights once a week. All of you that is. Its so important to stay connected and I don't see any gap in your life for connection time and catching up time with your partner. Or them as partners. I don't see any time where this budding romance could of been discussed in private away from your home.
Once they are settled in a new home maybe then your partner can go and have nights with them and over time. If you are all on board and have sorted out this breech of mistrust, then maybe you could all move in together.
I don't know if this would work. There is no way of knowing. I do know that trust is a huge thing in poly, as is open honest communication and consideration (empathy). They had none for you. I would be getting on how they can make it right by you again.
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Last edited by redpepper; 02-22-2012 at 10:16 PM.