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Old 02-22-2012, 09:32 PM
SoCalDoc SoCalDoc is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 25
Default Considering V for bi-wife

Hi, I'm a newbie here.

Happily married x 15 years, two young kids. My wife recently discovered she's bi. She's uncertain whether or not she wants to act on these desires. She is generally pragmatic and cautious, and she doesn't want to do anything to jeapordize our marriage/family, but she's considering the idea of pursuing a girlfriend. I support this idea.

About me..I'm happily mono, very much in love w my wife and she totally satisfies me, sexually and otherwise. Six months ago, I never would have dreamed that we'd be considering an open marriage, seems so foreign, but here we are, discussing it as a real possibility. Wow.

If we go this route, i picture it as a V, with my wife as the hinge. I think she'd prefer a married bi woman, rather than a lesbian woman for example, so they would have more in common. I'm not looking for a 3some, so a triad is not anticipated.

I have a lot of new/strange feelings about this, and no one (other than my wife) to talk with about this stuff. I'd greatly appreciate some feedback and advice. Here are some of my thoughts...

1. Few nights ago, while messing around, my wife asked me "what would you most enjoy seeing me do with another woman?" My answer was: fall in love. This answer surprised my wife, although she was pleased to hear it. I guess it also surprised me. I don't fully understand why, but thinking of my wife falling in love w another woman actually turns me on, as in arousal. Does this make sense? How do you explain this? BTW, the gender is significant, I wouldn't feel this way if the other person was a man. Hmmm. Is this common, for polyamory to be a source of arousal, even for the mono spouse.

2. More about gender...I think of woman-woman intimacy as being separate and distinct from man-woman intimacy, so I don't feel threatened by the idea of my wife having a GF. But I wonder if this is misguided. Any other guys have same/different feelings about this?

3. I'd love to get input from others who have experience in V relationships, especially ones similar to what we are contemplating. What are the pitfalls? What are the benefits?

Thanks.
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