View Single Post
Old 02-22-2012, 08:34 PM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 822

Originally Posted by LusciousLemon View Post
I also feel like if I ask that things back off that I'm putting them in a position of feeling like L and B did something wrong, which they did not

I just don't know where to go from here. How do I ask that my own hesitations be addressed without causing household issues? How do I ask that L, S, and B take things slowly to prevent causing household issues? And how do I manage to express to L and B that I simply do not feel we have had the chance to develop a relationship of our own?
Poly doesn't work very well if you feel you can't be honest. You can say "I don't want you to feel that you did anything wrong, you did not. I would like to slow down, because I feel very surprised by things happening without us all talking about it first, and I feel left out of the loop. My experiences in the past have made me feel like entering new relationships should be taken a bit cautiously, especially since we are living together and there are 5 kids to think of. I would really like to be able to develop more of a relationship with you, L and B, before sex becomes a part of our relationship."

Really, that can be all awkward, but THAT is what you need to say, and you have to say it as clear as you said it here. If they are upset because you have feelings or needs or wants, they aren't a good fit for a relationship are they?
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote