The final straw... I guess it was when my ex found out I'd been flirting with a guy online. I kind of drifted into a flirtation with him, and even tho it was all cyber, I realized he was actually giving me more attention and fun that my ex was... The ex was passive aggressive, and a bad communicator. He held grudges about the most stupid stuff from decades earlier. My friends were all encouraging me to leave him. We'd done therapy back in the early 2000s, and that helped me start to create boundaries for my own comfort.
The kids were all late teens, early 20s when we split. Actually I think the years before the split were harder on them than afterward. My ex and I used to have long long circular conversations, so frustrating. The kids felt the tension.
Ah, it's a long sad story. Suffice it to say, I am so much better off now.
I've got 3 delicious lovers who are totally on board with who I am, poly, queer, social, extroverted, kinky/sexual, instead of trying to control me and put me in a box like my jealous, low self esteemed-ex always did.