Thread: Confused.
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:20 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Did you both actually agree to not be pursuing any relationships right now while you worked whatever it is out, or did you just assume that if he didn't want you to date that he wouldn't too?

If you feel it isn't fair that you can't date, you can always tell him that you plan to date, but that you'll take it slow. Relationships should not be dictatorships. Make sure you don't make the same mistakes that you made over the last year. If he brings up something he is concerned about, don't blow it off, but really think about it and address it seriously.

Perhaps having a weekly or even more frequent date where you two are sitting down, talking about whats going on so everybody is on the same page, and nipping problems in the bud would be useful.

Now if your problems were related to breaking agreements (safe sex or otherwise) I can see why he'd be wary, but if you're going to agree to stop having relationships, don't be resentful about it, but work on a concrete plan on what it is he is looking for to feel like he can trust you and feel safe with you dating again. If he won't do that, then you two have a lot of work to do.

And on another note, do you think you wont do those behaviors again? I mean do you just have good intentions or do you see yourself making these slip ups again? I don't know what they were, or if you've figured out why you did them, but if they are deal breaker type of things, and you don't trust yourself to behave, you should be honest and not date until you think you have a handle on that.
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