Thread: Confused.
View Single Post
Old 02-22-2012, 12:16 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,632

That does seem a bit odd that he is "allowed" to do whatever yet he isn't "allowing" you to do what you want. I think the perspective here is wonky. As far as I am concerned it should be that the two of you support each other when things are tough for one of you and do your best to be considerate of any boundaries you might have in order to get on your feet again? Just as much as supporting one another when things go well and times are good (compersion).

To me it works better to take control of my own life, make sure I communicate what my boundaries are and needs and make requests for certain agreements in order to get on my feet in a relationship. I might have an opinion of what someone else should do, but it isn't for me to "tell" them what they should do as if they should only do as I say. They can decide for themselves from their own experiences and from what kind of suggestions I have or others have.

Poly doesn't mean we get to do whatever, it means we have to be responsible for communicating honestly with ourselves and others and considerate when it comes to others expression of that communication. I don't see that here in what you say... perhaps that component is missing?

It sounds like he is not getting that you are willing to take the time, but need him to take the time with you. On the same account, he might need some space to develop his new relationship. This is where a boundary agreement is born. Provided you talk about it openly and honestly.

It could also be that he is so happy with his new budding relationship that he feels he can tell you what to do and fly away on the high of NRE and forget his responsibility to the commitment of what you have started.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote