I am sorry you've had such a rough time and felt so low. I have seen life as bleak and felt very low myself at times. But you have to do what you can to pull yourself out of those feelings. This is no time to be focusing on taking lovers, nor on pleasing your husband, I don't think. You need to get hold of yourself, and build a stable, personal foundation of self-esteem, and develop compassion and loving kindness toward yourself.
No amount of attachment to anyone else in your life, no matter how much you love them, is reason to take your own life. You have worth and value simply by being you. Your value is not dependent upon your husband's behavior, and you need to see that.
You would do well to work with professionals, take your meds, and stick with the therapy to recover from your depression and work on these issues with a goal of finding, recognizing, and cultivating your own inner strength, which I do know you have. Forget about polyamory for now and focus on being well within yourself.
The world opens up... when you do.
Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Last edited by nycindie; 02-21-2012 at 11:34 AM.