Thanks, Scott, nice sentiments.
I'm still really sick, I was out of work four days. Went back last Monday, but by Friday was pretty damn useless. I think I'm finally some better. I *hate* staying in the house resting. I'm a terrible patient. I'm also an extravert, and the lack of people makes me a bit nutty on top of being sick.
So yah, Valentine's Day was a bit weird for me. Nice, lovely, and weird. I dragged my butt outta the house to mail valentine's to my boyz. We had a potluck at work, that was mostly junk food. Made a reservation at a thai restaurant we hadn't been to before, for me and Current bf. He's so adorable. I made the res, and he just figured he'd pay. Surprised him with my gift certificate (from a neighbor for cat-sitting). They had a special menu and it was delish. So romantic. Local tv celebrity was seated next to us, that was fun. He wore his suit (a real rarity for him). I got teased for not wearing red at work ~ 'I only have one red shirt, and I'm saving it for my hot date tonight' Yah, my hot (fevered), congested, kleenex-filled date.
Had very mushy email exchanges with First bf. Seems different, he does. More open to me or something. I could be imagining it.
I have so much uncertainty with these men. I am certain that they both love me, and pretty fiercely. But I think they love me in their languages (which, after all these years, remain glaringly obscured to me) and maybe not mine. Maybe mine sometimes. It's not that I feel unloved. It's more like my ideas aren't met, and if I take the trouble to examine them, a lot of my ideas are very old conditioning, and not things that need to be met.
I'm damn grateful to live alone so no one has to see my misery with a virus. I don't like to blow my nose with company around. I've learned to do it, because not doing it is miserable.
On the other hand, I just wish someone would bring me some soup without me having to ask every time.
I'm beginning to think that Current bf is a huge romantic non-physical physical love. aaaaaargggg makes me nuts. We cannot be in a room without touching each other. He talks almost incessantly in sexual ways. Whenever I have sex with him, it's LONG past when I wanted to (it's always so long that I cannot remember the last time we did). And I just can't wrap my brain around that. Is it just because it's so different than me?
I've always had a hard time sorting out people's behaviour from their words. My parents behaviours rarely matched their words ('everything's fine' when it never was) and I always wanted (want) to believe the words instead of the behaviour. First bf has so few words, it's much easier to look at/believe the behaviour and the behaviour is all NRE right now.
I'm starting to like this blogging stuff. It's useful.