Coming out...or not.
The first person to "guess" that Dude was more than MrS's best friend was my LDR FWB MsJ (...and no, I have not been with her since being with him or she would have been informed so she could decide if she still wanted to play with me after I had played with someone other than my husband). All three of us were at a party at her (and Rube's house - they are married). Dude had his hand in my back pocket at one point - MsJ said "Get your hand out of her pocket, you're not sleeping with her..." (this after rejecting my amourous advances all night because her MIL was there...even if asleep).
Apparently Dude and I both gave her a meaningful look because her next comment, to me, was "How many lovers do you HAVE anyway girl?" (Dude and I were just starting out then, we laughed). She must have told our other mutual friends at some point because another friend of ours asked me a few months later if we made Dude sleep on the couch (the friend doing the asking doesn't sleep on the couch when he sleeps over but is not a FWB [although he would like to be]...we just have a big bed.)
My whole family has met Dude (introduced as MrS's friend) when he was at our house for 1/2 of our "family week" at my house - responses varied. One sister said that she wouldn't braid his beard (dwarf-style) until she had known him for at least a year .. Other sister's husband a few weeks later said that "LittleD" (their son - age 5) was curious as to whether Dude's mom knew that he was staying with us and whether "AuntJane" minded. My mother invited him to Thanksgiving dinner (without further questions) and my dad recently asked about him and commented that he didn't seem the type of friend that MrS would have as a friend (which is funny to me since Dude was friends with MrS for 1-2 years before I ever met him). My response to each was a laugh or a non-commital vague response to the effect that he was friends with both of us. My family doesn't tend to pry more than that (whatever they may think or surmise) - so now that it is an established fact that Dude is part of our lives they probably won't ask directly for any further details...
MrS's Mom and step-dad have met Dude (again presented as “MrS's friend”). Prior to this they, at one point, asked who he was (since he came up often in random conversation) but accepted whatever vague answer we gave and have not asked any further questions.
The way I see it, by the time we have to “come out” officially to our immediate family (a few years down the road if things work out) then they will have already come to the realization on their own that Dude is more than just a “friend”.
I, personally, am much more worried about getting fired from my job should the truth come out that I am about censure from my family. I won't engage in PDA's with Dude in the major (yet small) town in our area. I will go out to eat or go shopping with him. If we happen to run into someone from work I will introduce him as MrS's friend who is doing me a favor.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe