Originally Posted by nycindie
Hopefully you are aware of this already, but more often than not, the sex magick being performed in a pagan or wiccan group is symbolic and does not actually involve physical sex. From what I learned in the few years I spent being involved in Wicca, I can tell you to be careful about participating in any ritual sex or sex magick within a group. Ritual sex, whether for the Great Rite or some other reason, is considered sacred and is mostly performed in private by committed partners, or those with whom you have developed a large amount of trust over time and are at the same level in their studies. No reputable coven would require sex as an initiation, and very few traditions will engage in sex or orgies as a part of group rites. Certainly, taking part in sexual rites -- or even being skyclad -- should only be an option and never a requirement to belong to a group.
When the physical act of sex is part of a ritual, it should be a very intimate sharing of oneís body and spirit. There are predators out there to be wary of. Some join groups looking for sex, because of some misconceptions they have, and others lead groups to take advantage of their position with members who donít really have knowledge of what is appropriate.
Sex In Circle: A Philosophical Treatise On Ritual Magick
The Great Rite
Thank you for the advice. Actually, paganism is very new to me and I am still learning about it. My only exposure is the few friends I have in it and a book I am reading by Joyce Higginbotham. I appreciate the links you also provided. I was not aware that The Great Rite, or other rituals in kind, can also be practised symbolically. I have a long way to go in understanding the ins and outs or paganism. I don't know exactly where my beliefs fit in either. I am taking my time and asking a lot of questions.
Again, my biggest problem is when my spiritual beliefs about sex or even poly, run headlong into my partner's belief in marriage and what that is supposed to be. The only alternatives I find are either to "practice" my beliefs in secret (an option I don't like) or leave the marriage (another option I don't like). Sometimes it seems like you have to take a few steps back to move forward. I don't know if this is one of those times.
I appreciate everyone's responses so far. However, is there anyone on this forum that has left a marriage over belief differences or b/c they knew they were poly and the other spouse couldn't accept it? I feel selfish and yet, I want to acknowledge who I really am w/o having to pretend. That seems like the right thing to do. You know...coming out poly or having non-standard beliefs about sex is, I imagine, like coming out that you're gay. Some people can handle it and some can't. What do you do with those who are close to you that can't?
I would appreciate any insights anyone could offer if you have gone through something like this. Thanks all for your help.