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Old 02-19-2012, 09:32 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,477

Originally Posted by Wants2BEqual View Post
Hi Mag, they are separated due both to need for space and a job opportunity and we all have grown children.

We all have separate residences right now but that was supposed to be temporary. We were trying to work towards resolution of where/how to live when all this blew up this last week.

We have all shared 3 way intimacy, but not since this last reconciliation due to her trying to overcome her resentments, and our distance apart.

We held on so long because he and I are deeply in love and he really wants to try and keep his marriage and me too. It hurts beyond believe when we are apart.

Does this help?
OK, yes, the further information helps.

Generally when we talk about primaries here, it is meant that the primary couple shares a residence, finances and child care. More is usually done with them as regards shared friends and extended families.

Does his extended family know about you? Have they met you? Do you and he share holidays together, as a 2some or as a 3some? Do your bf and his wife share finances or did they separate them as well? Of course, they share children. Does your extended family and your friends know about your married bf, have they met?

What I am getting at is, you and he may already be co-primaries of a sort, after all this time and sharing of lives.

5 years is a long long time for the wife to have been holding resentment. I can see why you'd be upset she is requesting you and the guy take a break while he and she "reconnect."

When he says she is "sick and fragile," what does that mean? Is she mentally ill? Is she under a doctor's care, or in therapy? I'd think couples counseling would be in order for all of you, you and him, him and you, you and her.
Since you and she have shared lives and sexual activity for so long, you 2 are a "lesbian" couple as well, even though you aren't getting along now.

It seems to me, from here, she is in denial of the seriousness of his feelings for you, your feelings for him. Living in this limbo isnt good for anyone. There needs to be a full disclosure. Your needs are just as important to him as hers are. Now that you are finally speaking up, careful and full communication needs to take place, or else a clean break between one couple or another. I'm sure for all of you, it is very wearing.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's bf for 5 years
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