The Middle – So THEN what happened? Some Bumps in the Road
As in any relationship we had our up-and-downs, arguments and resolutions. We were finding our balance points. Examples?
MrS was going back home for a concert (I had an exam to study for). This was to be the first time MrS was going to be with SweetPea since our “conversation.” My stated stance: “Of COURSE you are going to have sex with her. You love her. You share all this history. Blah, blah, blah...” He says “you are going to be upset”. I protest. Short story long: he goes home, he sleeps with her, he comes back...I am upset. Not with him, but with myself for having these jealous feelings (remember, I don't 'believe' in this jealousy crap). We talk, I tell him that I am not mad at him but myself for not responding in the rational fashion I expect, he says “I told you so” - which drives me insane! So, a few weeks later SweetPea swings through for a visit – it's great! her+me, him+her+ me – so I figure out that I am not so much jealous because she and him had fun, but that she and him had fun while I was back at the apartment missing him. I feel that I have come to a better place in understanding my own reaction and would be fine with him being with her again without me there. Unfortunately I never had the opportunity to test my hypothesis, he never played with her again unless I was also there. “No, I learned my lesson.” Dammit!
A few months later - he actually does cheat on me...with PonyGirl! (A one-night stand one weekend when she is up visiting.) I don't find out for a while and when I do I am strangely unaffected. I know that he doesn't 'care ' for her and that it was 'just sex'. (Per him...”I don't know, I just wanted to see if I could.” - what?!?, be attractive to/attracted to other girls?!? ...could have told him THAT!) Soon after that I had my first slip, some intimate “outercourse” (with a male friend I knew from HS, that I never had sex with). I confessed, we shared our confusions, we got over it. In the meantime PonyGirl had expressed her frustration with MrS 'choosing' me by having sex with OrangeBoy when she was 'rejected' by MrS, (This is the same OrangeBoy that cheated on his girlfriend with my roommate, the same roommate that was tempted by MrS...small world.)
An interesting side note during this period. During our boundaries conversations with MrS I told him that he was as free to interact with men as I was with women (although there were certain aspects that I preferred not to hear about in detail). Neither of us thought this would come significantly into play.
One time when I was out of town MrS did go home with a guy from the bar (our roommates were a gay male couple so we went to Gay Night at one of the local bars regularly) and received some Oral Favours. I was amazed (and amused) at how many of our friends and acquaintances felt the need to inform me of this independently. (I expected it of our roommates – they care about me and wouldn't want to see me hurt if this was not OK. I got the feeling that some of the others just wanted to precipitate some drama to observe – they were disappointed.) MrS came to me a few days after I got home to discuss it – he was curious if it would be different to be with a guy and whether he was suppressing something of himself. (Turns out he wasn't – OK, learning curve – good to know.)
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
SLeW: platonic girlfriend + BFF
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe