I would warn you away from poly if you are too anxious to bring up your feelings directly. Polyamorous relationships bring up many complex emotions and many situations where for your emotional health you may need to say things like "this is bothering me, could we take a step back" or "I would like to move forward more than we have been, could we all talk about that idea" or "I think I need some space" etcetcetc. Without that ability, you will likely suffer.
I assume you've been to therapy? Have you tried writing out your feelings/desires rather than speaking them aloud?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.