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Old 02-19-2012, 07:32 PM
quitecontrary quitecontrary is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9

I think he expected either that I would just be with her or that I would be with everybody. I didn't really know what to expect. All I knew was that I was hurting and I didn't know what to do. I guess I was assuming that I'd just be with her and no one else. Once I got there, I was in tremendous amounts of pain, even though I was with her, and R and I just clicked. The husband and I... didn't.

But the thing is, the two of them share a bed, and there were times when I wanted her, but he was there sleeping, and I would sleep with the two of them (just sleeping, just needed to be near her). And when he said he wanted to be with me, I didn't say no. I said maybe someday, right now, no. Because I didn't know, I wasn't sure how to handle it, and how was I to say no when we were all living together and I had only been there for like a week, known him for a week? Maybe I did lead him on, but only because I DIDN'T KNOW.

Maybe if he hadn't applied the great amounts of pressure he did, asking constantly, innuendos of someday, a someday he assumed would be sooner rather than later, maybe if he hadn't gotten so very angry about it, then maybe things would be different. If he had been patient, if he had not pushed my triggers of earlier abuse. I don't really think he did it intentionally, but he will have that stigma attached to him in my head for as long as it's there.

It was a messy situation all around, and now, I'd be happy just keeping our own personal spheres and having the distance, but it is difficult. I am just so happy to have R so calm and collected in all of this, my rock.
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