Thanks for your reply .
It confirmed how I feel.
I told him about the kiss, I know I should'nt have tried to hid it. I know I've made mistakes. I feel like now he wants to use it against me.
Working on yourself and validating yourself is essential to a healthy relationship. I'm going to keep healing myself and see what happens.
I'm Having doubts about this relationship, because I dont feel he is willing to look honestly at himself and his abusive childhood. Which instead leads to unconscious attempts to manipulate and control and lash out in rage. I'm starting to see these patterns. I love him, but I cant go where he is'nt willing to go. I cant heal his past, I can only offer love and support. I want to move forward. I dont know if we can grow together. Enough said. With all this I think opening the relationship is a bad idea. We both need to work on ourselves.