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Old 11-21-2009, 07:32 PM
lola lola is offline
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 31

Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Well, the relationship she entered into with you and agreed to was a monogamous one. You may have changed your mind and may not be happy with monogamy any more but that doesn't make it unfair that she may not change her mind. It may be unfortunate, but it certainly isn't unfair. What is more unfair is putting your wife between a rock and a hard place by forcing her to choose between having a marriage with you and opening up that marriage.

It could very well be that as she learns more and gets used to the idea, she may be ok with it. But it won't be unfair to you if she isn't. To think so is rather selfish from my point of view. Redpepper put it best: It's her journey and you should honor that.
I'm glad you brought this up, Ceoli.

What I'm seeing in your posts, Thirty, is a resistance to not getting to have R. I understand it. I realize it's easier said than done when it comes to feelings, but you've been given very good advice and in that is to go slowly for your wife's sake. If you love her and do not want to hurt her, you can set aside your situation for a bit so she can acclimate. No one is saying you can't have poly, just that if you value your marriage, you need to tune into your wife for a while and not focus solely on your needs and wants.

Poly is built on everyone involved..that includes your wife. Yes, the feelings are overwhelming...that's called NRE = New Relationship Energy - the sites recommended have articles on this phenomenon. The more you understand, the easier it will be for you to do what you need to do.

For your own sake, slow down, take a breath, and do some research before you push your wife too hard...imho.

Last edited by lola; 11-21-2009 at 07:33 PM. Reason: too big
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