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Old 02-17-2012, 05:56 PM
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beginninglove beginninglove is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast, USA
Posts: 69
Default NRE or limerance addiction?

So the NRE with K is intensifying, which I suppose was to be expected while Alex is away traveling for work. I haven't spent *every* free moment with K while Alex has been gone, but certainly a lot more than when Alex is around. I have been very honest with Alex about the amount of time I have been spending with K, and she has been struggling with it to a certain extent but she's also been fairly understanding and accepting.

I have been reading a lot on the internet about limerance and how limerance is both similar and different from NRE. I wonder if anyone has read Tennov's book and if they feel they gained anything from it? From what I can gather, limerance could be thought of as sometimes occurring at the very beginning of NRE, when one is not sure if their feelings are reciprocated. Beyond just the uncertainty though, there is a feeling of fixation, obsessiveness even, where the person has intrusive thoughts about their LO (Love or Limerance Object) and experiences extreme mood swings - feelings of extreme euphoria or extreme heartache - depending on the responses they are getting from their LO in terms of instilling or dashing their hope for reciprocation.

I have been interested in all of this because of how this thing with K is affecting me. The descriptions of limerance are all pretty accurate in reflecting what I have been going through, except that I do know that K reciprocates my feelings. Still, I find myself obsessing when she doesn't respond to texts right away (hello!! she's working!), and having insanity-inducing intrusive thoughts to the point that I am finding it very difficult to concentrate on anything else. Its both a euphoric feeling and also very maddening. I've also looked up treatments for obsessive-compulsive disorder, since limerance does share some qualities with OCD, and some of the techniques, like thought stopping and response inhibition seem like they could work for a time (like making myself do something else for a given period of time, or preventing myself from texting her for a certain amount of time) but ultimately the core issue is not addressed.

I know this will just fade with time, and I will be both wistful and thankful when it does, but for now I feel a bit crazy. I also feel nervous about Alex returning home and being able to sense my insanity. My work has been suffering as well, and the scary thing is that I don't really care all that much. I took the day off from work today so that I could stay home and clean the house for when Alex gets home, so that I'd be able to spend the whole weekend with K without having to worry about laundry.

Am I being foolish??? I also wonder if somehow I am prone to this sort of obsessive thinking or limerance somehow, since I did experience it for a short time with Sam too. And it did fade. I wonder if this situation with K is triggering something in me like an NRE or limerance addict, since I know these things do affect the chemicals in your brain. I looked into the concept of sex addiction awhile back because I thought that might be my problem, but it didn't seem to fit what I was going through, and I thought it was very pathologizing of people whose sexuality is just different from the mainstream concept of how things "should" be (i.e. heterosexual monogamous life-long marriage). Not to say that sex addicts don't exist, but I just think the concept has become way too broadly defined.

Is there such a thing as an NRE or limerance addict??
Gay 30-something female that just ended a committed relationship with a mono partner, Alex, and in the midst of NRE with a new lover, K.
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