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Old 02-17-2012, 01:12 AM
canisbelua canisbelua is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 3
Default It's a bit sudden.

Warning: Wall of text.

I am a happily married woman, and my husband and have been housemates with another married couple for several years, the female of which has been my best friend for even longer. I always thought of her the same way I think of my sisters.

This valentine's day, she surprised me with roses and chocolate and a card that contained a love confession. She asked me and my husband if I could be her girl.

I was stunned speechless. I knew she and her husband had considered a polyamorous lifestyle but never thought for a moment that would involve me.

We sat and talked and I told her I needed time to think. My husband, after a bit of thought, said if I wanted this, it was OK with him.

I am trying to understand how I really feel about this. And the funny thing is... part of me is really beginning to be happy about it. I've learned that I do find her attractive, and I know always did love her--Is that love of a friend/sister slowly changing into something new? It does seem to feel that way.

But it is so sudden. It terrifies me because it is new. It's hard enough to balance one healthy relationship, can I really handle two? I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it. I thought, "I'll read a book, look up some info, avoid going in blind..." but there is SO MUCH information out there, and much of it does not pertain to this relationship model.

I can't tell my family or friends. Not yet, anyway. I can't deal with their criticism on top of my own indecision. But since I can't talk to them, I don't know where to get emotional support or outside perspectives... My husband is no good at talking about feelings, sadly.

I don't know where to start in sorting all my feelings out and choosing the right direction to go in. I was so content before. It feels like everything has been uprooted.

I'm not even 100% sure what questions I am asking now. I just wonder if anyone has any advice of how to get through this scary stage of flux and indecision or ways to get the kind of information or support I am in need of.

Please don't be hard on me... I don't mean to be annoying (if I come off that way), or ask questions that may be basic knowledge here if I just bothered to look them up (I tried, but I felt like I was drowning in info). But if you can offer advice, a helpful link, a good book... please let me know. Thank you.

-Bel
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